The Kids Are Alright (Review...sort of)

Just caught this film finally, after wanting to see it for weeks. I saw it at the Lagoon Theater in Uptown Minneapolis this rainy evening. Of course the moment I got my jacket on and locked the door, the rain started coming down hard.

But if I learned anything on RAGBRAI, it was that indeed, rain is just water. And since I was sitting by myself in the theater, I figured the soggy, faint wool smell from my fave Smartwool shirt wouldn't offend anyone if I sat far enough away from others.

I was sort of in a comfort food/romcom mood this evening, so I was almost leaning towards seeing something else, but I knew I had to see this after all the anticipation and the great NYT review.

I went into it wary of the storyline (semi spoiler alert) - it didn't seem very original or very appealing that one of the moms had to get involved with the sperm donor, because that smacks of the idea that all a lesbian needs is the right hot guy to turn her onto the right path. Similarly, the method of arousal in the couple's intimate moment towards the beginning of the movie hinted that the male physique is really the thing that gets ladies going, even if they are lesbians.

But the dialogue and interaction of the family members - Annette Bening, Julianne Moore, and their kids, an older, by-the-book, reserved daughter and a younger teenage son, maybe starting to get involved with the wrong kind of friend - redeemed most of the pieces of the plot that leaned towards mainstream treatment of a lesbian couple. "Human sexuality is...complicated..." offered Jules in response to her son Laser's question about finding his moms' porn video of gay men.

For me, the best quality of the movie was that it treated a subject that I don't think I've ever expected to come out of mainstream Hollywood. While not my favorite movie ever, it touched some chords for me just because it made me realize no film or television has ever even come close to representing a family remotely like mine. Highlights for me included the embarrassment the daughter when her mom, Nic, interrogated Paul, their sperm donor at dinner, and when Nic squeezes Jules' hand in the car after dropping their daughter off at college.

Something about finally seeing a gay couple in a long-term, loving, and yes, complicated and bumpy relationship means that people who aren't friends with gay people (or who don't know they are) are going to have a chance to see what we've seen in heterosexual relationships in mainstream art forever. And it's just going to be harder to demonize and other-ize "those people" and their families.

My family was different from the one in the movie by a lot, but it's the first time anything has ever come close. And the character of the older daughter as over achiever who has fulfilled everyone else's wishes resonates with me, as does the younger brother who's trying to figure things out but keeps to himself and is hard to draw out (my younger brother, anyone?).

The sperm donor character was kind of a likable surfer type, with good intentions. But luckily, he didn't get to win the girl and ended up on the receiving end of both kids' anger, justifiably. It was gratifying that just because he was charming and cute, he still couldn't get away with carelessly wiping out a family in harmony and getting off the hook.

Overall, I highly recommend this film just for the experience of seeing a non-traditional family depicted in a very traditional Hollywood way, but with integrity. Do it for us sperm donor kids.